Love Online: Protect Yourself -- Full-Length Interview
Ivanhoe Broadcast News Transcript with
Samantha Bruno, Security Consultant,
Global One Security, Safety Date,
TOPIC: Love Online: Protect Yourself
What is it like when you find out that there’s something bad in a client’s boyfriend’s or girlfriend’s background?
Bruno: Well, the first question I ask them is do you really want to know. A lot of times just with private investigations they’ll send out a P.I., and the P.I. will come back and they’ll let the person know either their spouse is cheating or this is going on and a lot of times the private investigator will also ask them the question, “Do you really want to know?” It’s a really scary situation because when you do these background checks, not only do you find out whether or not the person’s married, if they have someone living at their residence, but you also find out about their financial history. So, you’re kind of opening up a whole big can of worms and it really takes a certain person to want to know it. A lot of people live in denial, and that’s one thing I try to reinforce to people is this is your life, you need to seize your life and know what you’re doing with your life and whether it’s scary or not, I do it and I ask the question and typically the answer is yes, especially now, they just don’t have the time to sit and ask the questions and investigate it themselves. So, it provides that source.
What can you find out about people?
Bruno: Typically, just with a name, a first and last name, where they live, a zip code, if they know age range because a lot of people could have the same name and fit the criteria. Once we get past that, I can find out just about anything, phone numbers, where they live, who they live with, their financial background, if they own any property. And, the one real big thing is criminal record. That’s something that I look for. You’d be shocked at the kind of people that I do look up that are Fortune 500 executives that have a criminal past and their employers don’t even know it. So, it’s a very shocking, yet eye opening experience when running these people and you find out a lot.
So, when you say criminal record, how specific does it get? Does it get if somebody was in a bar fight, or is it only looking for major things that they were in prison for?
Bruno: Well, there’s different stages of the background. People can get the first stage, which is like a $75 background check, which is a pretty basic check and that tells you whether or not there is a misdemeanor, a felony, and that’s pretty much what you want to start with. If they’ve got anything even beyond that, the misdemeanor and the felony is going to show. So, my whole synopsis on this is for $75 you can learn all about their criminal history, anything there is to know. As far as like arrests, no. If they were booked and they were charged, yes, it’s going to be on there.
And, then you can delve deeper if somebody wants to?
Bruno: Yes. You can find out anything you want and that’s when the private investigations comes in and you can also source it out via our software program.
What can somebody expect to pay for more thorough investigations?
Bruno: Well, I’m very passionate about this because it is such an insane world. I mean you just really don’t know who you’re meeting and who you’re talking to, and everyone has a story and that’s something that I found, and I’m not bitter, I’m just realistic. The typical background check is $75, and with that I definitely think it’s worth it, I mean before you get married, before you really fall in love with this person, or if you think something is just gnawing at you, and usually your intuition is right. I’m not saying that on every date, you should run this check, but I’m saying that if you are getting serious, if there is something that you’re kind of questioning, if you are going to get married, if you are married, I mean it’s just really good to know who you’re with.
What are some just red flags that somebody might want to pay attention to or listen for that might indicate they should follow through with something a little more extreme?
Bruno: Typically your guts and your intuition is your red flag, and I think you should always follow that and follow your heart. One real good red flag is a lot of moving around. If a person is just forever moving, they’re not stable. Typically, they’re still trying to find themselves, there’s obvious issues, or it just maybe they’re moving. I mean, it’s just one thing that you need to look at. As far as stories, the grander the better I say, you know what I mean. In today’s times, it’s a really hard world and everyone tries to create something that’s a lot bigger than what they are, and if the story seems to be a little but grander than it should be, that’s a red flag. And, if they don’t really talk about their family, you know where they’re from, their history, then it’s your right to know and especially if you’re developing into some kind of relationship, obviously, that’s something that could tip you off.
What are some of the most common things you uncover that are extreme enough that it might end a relationship?
Bruno: That a person’s married. That is the number one, and it’s the worst thing in the world to have to tell somebody. I literally end up sitting on the phone as someone’s therapist rather than the person who’s just letting them know what happened in the background. It’s very sad, but very common situation across the country, around the world, and that’s probably the most heart-wrenching thing to say. Also, finances. A lot of women that have been married for years don’t understand where the finances went wrong. The husband can pass away, they’re sitting there looking at their finances wondering where all these liens came from. It’s just, it’s really unbelievable the things that you find and then you have to tell, and that’s the thing that people need to be prepared for before they make the call. And, it’s like I sit there and I’m like I’ll run it just cause, but at the same time I’m like, you just need to let go. I mean, it’s really sad. The Internet dating services, they don’t do background checks. You put your profile on and you pray for the best, and that’s a scary proposition. You are going to subject yourself to going out into a public place and meeting this person and you have no idea from what they told you in their profile if it’s actually true, and that is also very scary and one of my highest ranking phone calls is after the third or fourth date to find out if this person is really legitimate.
Do you have any idea for every 10 you look up, how many come back as legitimate and how many come back as scammers or criminal history or married?
Bruno: I would say three out of 10 would be a good number. Three out of ten and I’m saying that’s being a real big scammer. As far as the others, there’s always financial situations with people, and I don’t really fault people for that. But, as far as the scammers are concerned, yes, and just to touch upon the Internet dating again, there are a lot of people that are married using that service. They go online and that’s how they get their extracurricular activity on the side. And, there’s no way of tracing it. They will go under alias names. You will think you are dating John Smith and John Smith is really Robert Smith and you can’t find him. So, you’re actually dating somebody who’s completely not the person that you think he is. And, a lot of the times I know that because they will give phony addresses, phony names, phony phone numbers, phony anything, and if I can’t find it, more times than not that person is not who they say they are.
What’s your advice to a woman who wants to do Internet dating? How can a woman protect herself?
Bruno: Well, first off, I thing that the dating services online should be accountable just as they are offline. They’re much more accountable offline. They have to run the background checks and they do. But, the online services aren’t doing that and that to me is a whole different story in itself. But, as far as women, men, anybody who wants to date online, which is a great way to go, and I’m all for it, I think they need to really take a look at the profiles, take a look at their intuition, and if it does become something that’s serious and the person seems legitimate, then fine, go with it, don’t take the romance out of it. But, if there is something that’s gnawing at you, just a little thorn in your side, just something that just doesn’t sit well, that’s when you call a company like mine to use this service just as a $75 little background check, just to make everything just clear.
Have you ever done a background check, do you have a favorite story or something that you just uncovered that you go, oh my god, I can’t believe this person says they’re this, but they’re really this?
Bruno: That’s a situation again online dating, and the gentleman had said that he was single, no kids, lived in a certain area, great job, great car, great everything. Well, it turned out that he was renting a car to date these women and taking a Ferrari, Mercedes, Porsche, I mean it was a different car all the time and she just thought he had a garage. His name was not the name that he gave. He actually was unemployed. He was married and he had three children. So, it couldn’t have been worse. And, I didn’t know which way to go with it because what’s the worst thing to say first. But, they all pretty much summed up to he had nothing, he had no car, and he would take his money and rent them and just completely scam these women.
Don’t you just want to call his wife and just say, do you have any idea what your husband’s doing?
Bruno: I leave that up to the client.
What would be the best piece of advice that you could offer women who are doing the online dating, who obviously people do it differently, some will like meet right away after they’ve started this online communication, others will talk for a while online before they transition to the phone, then transition face to face. When you’re, that’s sort of a big step transitioning face to face, what would be your advice to somebody?
Definitely go some place that’s public, where there’s a lot of people. That’s another story where women will put themselves into having the guy pick them up at their homes. You never want to do that. You want to know who you’re dating. At least when you’re out or if you’re at a party and you meet someone through that avenue, you know exactly who you’re meeting. You don’t want to start giving people your home address until you’re really comfortable in having them know where you live. That’s number one. Number two, it’s just again going into a public place and really asking questions that mean something about them, and listening to their responses and hearing how stern they are with their delivery. You know, someone who might flutter a little bit, run around the questions, they don’t answer direct, those are things that you start acknowledging and saying ok, maybe there’s something wrong here. But, more times than not, I really do tell people to give them two or three dates, and you know if you want to come back, I mean you really have to be serious to want to run somebody and really find out about their history and that’s when you do it.
When you say specific questions, what are some examples that you would give?
Bruno: Where you live, that’s number one, of course where you live, the kind of job that you’ve had, how they feel about their family, do they have kids, are they married. I mean, questions that you wouldn’t typically ask, are you married. A lot of people, of course he’s not married, but ask the question, see what happens, they could shake, they could be like, “Oh my gosh, do you know something I don’t know?” Or, “Yes, how did she know that?” I mean, it’s just all in mannerisms too, I mean, just really look at people, I mean, they’re looking at you and they’re assessing you. It’s really important to assess your environment, assess the people that you talk to, watch their body movements, see if they’re stunned, take in exactly what they’re saying and their answers are. If they’re running around a question, you know darn well they don’t want to answer the question, and ask it again. And, typically, more times than not your intuition will tell you the answer.
How do you think the online dating compares with just meeting somebody in a bar, how is that any different?
Bruno: You already have a face. Online dating, you don’t. A lot of times with the online dating, too, they’ll give you a picture that’s 20-years-old, or they won’t even give you the correct picture and you meet with this person and it happens a lot where this person is not the person they saw in the picture, and these guys are hoping for the best. I would say also online dating and the bar versus a bar, again you don’t give your home address out anymore, you just don’t do it. It is a scary world, I’m not a cynic, but at the same time I believe in protecting your environment and meeting in public in places the first few times and really getting to know the person that you are dating, and that way it gives you a chance to feel comfortable, to get to know the person, to see if that little red flag raises up and if it does, then you know where to go. And, if it doesn’t, then sure have him come to your house and start the relationship. But, now it’s time, as fast-paced as this world is, is to slow it down on the dating side and really take some time to really assess and learn about the person.
Why you got into this business and specifically into the Internet dating area to protect people?
Bruno: I had my own personal situation happen and that woke me up. It was time for me to slow it down and really assess my environment. Even being in the business, I was on the fast track working, going flying coast to coast, working 20 hour days. You don’t really have the time to look at who you’re dating. And, it could happen to me, it could happen to anybody. And, me being in the industry, I didn’t even see it. And, if you take 20 steps back and you really look at your time and the person that you’re with, it definitely can help with your future and I saw that and I saw it from my friends coming to me and the phone calls I would get in regards to people that they’d meet on the Internet, and I was just floored at the amount of people that I knew in my little circle that had problems from people that were completely lying, not saying any truth to who they were, what they were about, and to me I find that to be a huge problem considering Internet dating is becoming more prevalent than going to a bar and meeting somebody. It’s now the way of life, and I think it’s so important to protect yourself.
I don’t want to scare people away from Internet dating, so I guess my thought would be, if somebody were to say to you, “Internet dating just sounds way too sketchy, it’s certainly not something, I want no part of it” what would you say to them?
Bruno: I would say, I disagree completely. It’s basically, Internet dating is just as safe as going to a bar, it’s just as safe as going to a party, it’s just as safe as going to your school and meeting someone on campus. It’s the same thing. It’s basically you taking the initiative to really be safe regarding your environment and there’s nothing wrong with it. It’s a great way to meet people. I definitely am a believer in it. It’s just make sure that the person that is conveying all the information about themselves is telling you the truth. And, you can do that by chatting with them. You can do that by having that meeting with them, but like I said, you don’t do this for every single person and you definitely don’t take the flavor and the romance out of the date. It’s just if you do get a red flag, if you do feel something’s not right, and you do want to continue dating this person, it’s the best source, just to get your questions answered in the quickest way.
This article was reported by Ivanhoe.com, who offers Medical Alerts by e-mail every day of the week. To subscribe, go to: http://www.ivanhoe.com/newsalert/.
END OF INTERVIEW
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